Deadlands Reloaded: The Weird West
A Cracking New Season of Skullchucker
SALT LAKE CITY, UT—Well it is that time of the year to start up another season of Skullchucker. Lets look at the top teams.
The Morgan Maulers say they’re ready to crush the competition. Team Captain Jesse “the Pummeler” Moran said, “We only lost twice last season and that was two losts too much!” The current Skullchucker Champions are Looking good this year too having added the hulking Swede, Torvald Sigmundson.
Also looking good are the Junkyard Dawgs and the Ogden Outlaws. The Bountiful Bashers have been training everyday so hard that Joe Pempski is on the injured reserve list having bent his knee forward. However, he was quoted, “This is a minor injury. If it hurts too much I may just have Dr. Gash replace it with STEAM POWER! HA HA.”
This reporter is putting his money on the rookie team the East End Madmen. Despite their reckless behavior they get the job done. Other teams in good shape this season are the Iron Dukes with twin steel fists, and the Factory #12 Falcons that many Junkers consider home town heroes.
Swinger Star Accused of Murder, Suspended One Match
SALT LAKE CITY, UT—“Killer” Carl Bivens has been forced to sit out Saturday’s tournament. Arrested of a crime befitting his name “Killer” was arraigned today for the murder of Earl Eastman. Bivens agent hired Joseph Clarke as lawyer who spun the court so fast it will take the week to remember who they are. Unable to really convict him of murder the court did find him guilty of resisting arrest and forced him to not engage in any “dangerous events.”
How are the other contestants taking this? Lizzy “the Pendulum” Pitts said, “Carl, there was no need to show your face anyway. I’m winning it all, you here or not.”
The Pit Hits New Low
SALT LAKE CITY, UT—The pit, the first blood sport here is Salt Lake is having trouble competing with such new sports such as Skullchucker and Swinger that this old fan wondering, “How much longer will the pit be around?” In the world of fast paced, new sports, the pit is an old grandfather.
The Pit reaches back to Roman Times when Christians where tossed in to do battle with lions and tigers. A fine 1000 year tradition of the pit, and I would hate see it go. I know we don’t use lions much here, but some of the abominations we have you would never get see unless we had the pit.