Salt Rattlers Claim Another Hunting Party

SALT LAKE CITY, UT—Last week the Salty Spear Rattler Co. Ventured out to the salt flats as so many salt rattler hunting party’s do these days. The Salty Spear Co., as many of our loyal readers know is the first to employ the “flyin’ bait” method of hunting. The flying bait method uses a auto-gyro to land on the flats and attract the worms by simulating a group of people walking. All the while a land ship waits harpoon ready. When the rattler shows the auto-gyro takes to the skies and the landship does to work. The Salty Spear Co. However had problems with the auto-gyro and crashed into the flat salty earth according to sole survivor Cathanda Val de’Res. “We waited for ages, right. And when sent our rescue party out, the filthy warms (worms) started to crawl out to me mates.”

The worms then proceed to slay the rescue party as well as the stranded auto-gyro pilot. With the ship stunned to this turn of events, the Bloodworm works on tipping the land ship over. Claims Val de’Res, “All of a sudden the ship began to quake like in a mighty storm. We hadn’t the men to keep it steady and capsized. I swear I saw the blood red flesh of the that stinkin’ worm!”

Yesterday, Val de’Res was picked up by Salt Flats Worming Company. Owned by Harold Towers, who used this attack as an excuse to his actions.

CURRENT EVENTS FOR SALT LAKE CITY, UT:

Well it would seem that old Dr. Abraham Q. Knolsen has returned to the valley. Don’t go and blow up any one Doc.

Business at Smith and Robards is booming with there new catalog out. I here the flapjack machine makes the best sour dough pancakes, not counting Ema Jackson delicious homemade buttermilk pancakes.

Hellstromme public relations says, “We at Wasatch are going to win the Great Rail War!” Well I don’t know about that, it seems like every time we cover the Rail War, they have lost more miles of track than they put down.

Salt Rattlers Claim Another Hunting Party

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